Three weeks and counting..

It has been almost a month at the school and so much has happened. I think I should put everything under headings to make things easier to read.

One road, two sides:

Before I get dropped off at my school, my younger sibling has to be dropped off at her school which is located amidst many other renowned private schools. A drive through that neighborhood stands in sharp contrast with a drive through the neighborhood where my school is located. We see kids getting off big cars, drivers carrying the children's heavy bags, school guards rushing forward to help the children cross the road and reach school safely. All the children are in clean uniforms, carrying shiny, colorful water bottles and school bags, hair combed neatly. Ten minutes later, as we turn into the alley of my school, we see a line of children walking towards the school together, no adult by their side. Their once white uniforms are mostly yellowish and torn in some places, most kids have well-oiled hair, and some come with slippers on their feet instead of school shoes only to be later reprimanded by the principal.  A couple of kids do come with a parent, with the parent carrying their bags. There's no guard at the school gate. After conducting the assembly, the principal orders a few of them to clean up the school with brooms. An act which would be met with an uproar from parents should it take place in a private school. Here, no one cares since the kids here are apparently at a lower level on the social hierarchy. The contrast is heart-breaking. It’s unfair.

3rd grade:

The better of the two classes I teach. Most of the kids here are pretty smart. They listen to the teacher and complete the given work on time. There's a strong sense of competition between many of the boys and each races to be the first to do his work correctly. The girls, however, are mostly weak academically and I find this strange. They're the ones who're out of their seats, asking to go to the bathroom, to drink water, to borrow something, etc. So I get a million requests each day from them and while initially I used to allow them, now I've decided not to. Then there's this one girl who reminds me of Eliza Thornberry who gives me this goofy smile and greets me with an 'Istarey mashay' every time I enter class. I tell her Pashto only outside of class.

4th grade:

The reason behind my aching feet, my sore throat, my emotional turmoil. My role as a teacher is questionable here as I'm still struggling to get things right in this classroom. One or two days I've actually left their classroom refusing to teach them only to feel the guilt of my own action later on. Tough part is, one can't even blame them. They've picked it up from their environment. Hitting, cursing, shoving, snatching, singing, dancing, you name it and there would be one or more students who carry out the action. Tougher still, is to digest the fact that what happens in my classroom is because of me. I'm the one who needs to improve if I want to see my class improve.

Meet the parents:

Often the parents of some of our students show up to pick their kids and from our informal chats with them we learn that they're very interested in their children's education. 'Why wouldn't I allow my child to stay after school for extra classes?' asked a mother and we beamed. They also happen to be very hospitable and have often invited us to come visit their homes nearby. The sad part is, many of the parents tell us to beat their children because they believe that is the only way they'll learn. 'Maara kero isko, ye maarnay se samajhta hai' one of the mothers advised us.

The funny bits:

But it’s not like we're grumpy all the time. Lots of things go on here which amuse us like anything. Like the day when we found out someone had poured Elfy in one of the locks and it had gotten stuck. In the morning, the principal made some men break open the lock with a brick. Then this other time, someone stole the gate of the school. Can you imagine that!? We were hysterical! The other teachers told us about other things that have happened here in the past and we couldn't stop ourselves from laughing. (I'd rather not state that here :p)

The serious bits:

We've gotten a chance to witness children getting beaten by teachers, students and the principal at our school. One such unfortunate incident took place because of me and it is unforgettable. I had complained to my principal one Saturday about how some of the 4th graders are so out of control in my class and she volunteered to drop by my class on Monday. When she came, she caught a couple of misbehaving kids, made them stand by the board and slapped them so awfully hard! I couldn't even look because I was so horrified. In front of me all I saw were the rest of the kids' eyes transfixed on the thrashing that was taking place and I was thinking shit shit shit! This was a horrible idea! And if I remember correctly, she was the one who had initially told us that beating is not allowed in government schools. I was disgusted. Bullying is also not uncommon

The emotional bits:

So there's a group of kids who, being very interested in how long we'll be here, came up to me and asked. I told them we're not sure about how long. And one of them went; 'Kya ap hamesha k liye nahi reh sakti yahan pe?' and it reminded me of how I had once asked my favorite teachers the same question. The good kids are afraid that we'll be leaving soon but what they don't know is that I'm even more afraid that they might be the ones who leave. Their willing participation in class and inquisitiveness gives me the strength to keep going. All is not bad.

While conducting our lessons we hardly realize that there's no electricity (thanks to the well-ventilated rooms) and often don't make use of the teacher's chair at all. Some of the girls recently pointed out that we three teachers hardly ever sit in our classes and I hadn't realized that until they pointed it out. So most days I reach home with aching feet, chalk dust on my hands, clothes and bag and a high need to hit the bed as soon as possible despite the hunger and despite the thirst. Each day is grueling and in the end the exhaustion is palpable. Yet somehow it feels good and somehow I find myself looking forward to each next day. A month has already passed and soon shall the years and I'm not sure if I want time to go by that fast..